All I ever did was study
for the tests at school. I always passed,
always got A’s, but it wasn’t
enough. The tests were weighted and it
was possible to get a grade
that was over one-hundred percent.
So a perfect score was still not
good enough, and they drilled it into
us that our performance on the
exams would determine the rest of
our lives. In one way they were right.
I was so frightened of not being
good enough, all I did was work.
And when the panic attacks started,
I didn’t tell anybody
because it would mean I’d have less time
to study. The day that I was
supposed to take the PSATs,
I had an attack while walking
to school, and fell in front of the bus.